Most of us do not like to feel and experience negative emotions such as shame, sadness, betrayal, hopelessness, anger, guilt, etc. As human beings, we only want to feel positive emotions. We automatically make emotions with a negative charge false (which is often a learned behavior from childhood, where these feelings are not allowed to be fully felt, they are lowered and suppressed), but in fact they are simply a frequency with a different charge. Emotion – energy in motion.
Through this, we as humans have learned to unconsciously or consciously push away and deny the negative feeling inside us – that is, a part of ourselves. It might work…. but only for a short time, because often what happens is that this energy starts creating projections in the external reality and comes up at the most inappropriate times and situations.
Think for a moment that the feelings you are avoiding are just like an ugly beach ball. You are swimming in a miraculous waters, everything is beautiful, and suddenly an ugly beach ball appears in your field of view, which spoils the whole view and stays in front of you. This ball starts swimming towards you, but you don’t want it near you and you start to run away from it…. but this ball is chasing you. Then at some point you decide, okay, I’m going to take this ball and push it under the water. You take all your energy and start pushing this ball under the water. Whoops… the beach ball popped up again. You try to push it under the water in every way and it jumps to the surface with even more force. One moment you see that it doesn’t work and instead you take the ball and hug it and push it down with your whole body weight. It works… but for a while. The amount of energy you use to push that ball down is insane and will eventually drain you of energy.
If you look at this example, think about how much energy it takes to maintain, deny and fight this ball (emotions, pain, fears) on a daily basis? Until an external trigger comes along and pushes “that ball´” out of the water again.
But what to do ?
Instead of trying to push the ball under the water, pick up the ball, look at it and let it go ( deflate ). It can be uncomfortable to look at… But who said that expansion and transformation from old behaviors, programs and repressed feelings is a comfortable and enjoyable process?
I have chosen this path on my journey, that I allow myself to feel these feelings, emotions, anything that arises. Without denial. Has it been easy? Nope, but at the same time it is.
It’s beautiful and painful at the same time, because some part of you that you thought was you starts to dissolve and a new space, a new breath, a new energy is created.
So DARE to look at this beach ball, don’t deny it or push it under the water, accept these experiences with full love and presence and see what will happen in your life. Trust me, IT IS A WONDERFUL JOURNEY.
If you are ready to look at this “beach ball” and feel that you cannot do it alone, I am here for you.
Through MER body work and journey, Voice opening, Sound therapy and counseling.
Contact me if you feel the call to work with me.
Artjom
